This Holiday Season is turning out to be a bit different then all the rest for me. In a great and terrible way! Anyone with me? Family, family, family....love them or not really love them, they "belong" to us! But does that mean that we HAVE to actively participate in what we think we should be doing? So that our family is "normal" and we do what "normal" families do for the holidays?
In my own personal circle, people who have mean streaks in them (one person actually) is actively participating in her own selfish out-lashing. This is causing a physical separation between 4 generations..... as seemingly sad as this is, I have to say that after about a week or so of reflection and not even a phone call on Thanksgiving from family that lives 10 minutes away.... I'm ok with it!
Let me tell you why. My life has consisted of longing for and looking for love... and from my background and perspective, this void should have been filled by my parents. Hence, all of my thoughts, actions, words, energy has been put towards creating a relationship with my father and his girlfriend (of 15 years that he hasn't married). Although I would never choose her as a friend of mine, my quest for "family" has put me through all kinds of unnecessary drama (I'm sure that none of you have ever suffered this). Well, she has thrown another one of her "fits"(consisting of "I'm not speaking to you and I'm going to say all sorts of mean things about you to your father"), and for the first time, I'm not torn into pieces, and wallowing in the fact that I am not "celebrating the holidays" with my birth father and his partner.
Instead, I am choosing to see this as God's hand in bringing me out of the illusion that I need a close, loving relationship with my parents to be happy, complete, fulfilled, whatever you want to call it. After all, I can only control me and my actions, not those of others. I believe that God has a plan for me and is assisting me in not putting my time, energy, and talents into relationships that are not beneficial for me or my husband and children. This event has opened my eyes to the fact that I don't need to do what I've always done, simply because I've always done it. We grow, we change, our lives change and our priorities change and today I am thanking God for opening my eyes to a healthier, happier holiday season with those people that I really love and care about and am not just obligated to "love"!
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